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January is that special time of year where we really wish we were loaded.
After the expensive Christmas period, most of us are now keeping a careful eye on our bank account to make sure we still have enough money to, you know, live.
But if we were millionaires, if we had silly amounts of money, we'd definitely end up spending it on silly things.
Has this line of thought been inspired by the fact that the Powerball jackpot is now an estimated €457 million via Jackpot.com? Absotively.
Anyway, here's how the millionaires of our fair city could use their considerable moolah if they so wished...
Cover the cost of everyone's coat in Copper's
Once they've made it through the snaking queues and paid the entrance fee to get into Copper's, clubbers then have another line and added fee to use the cloakroom — that's when you pull your guardian angel routine and announce that you'll be paying to store everyone's coat for the night!
We're speculating here, but we imagine this will lead to the chanting of your name, crowd surfing and general hero worship for the entire evening.
Although despite your generous gesture, the eejits will probably forget to bring their coats home.
Approx. cost: €10,000 per night
Have a permanent table at Chapter One
At this point you no longer make your own food, the very idea is laughable. You're even willing yourself to forget how to cook.
You're properly minted now, sweetheart, that's just not how you roll anymore.
Instead you get yourself a Chef’s Table for six at Michelin Star Chapter One, complete with matching wines from their Reserve cellar, where you can rock up every night and be treated like royalty.
Approx. cost: €401,500 per year
Buy a bar and make it just for their mates
You and cronies (the official term for rich friends) can no longer associate with the average pub goer, you need your own personal haven where you can toast each other's health in splendid isolation.
A gentlemen's or ladies' club, if you will.
Approx. cost: €1.4m (going by the recent sale of JJ Smyth's)
Waistcoats are, of course, mandatory
Get driven to the shops in a chauffeur driven Rolls-Royce
You're so far past the use of Dublin Bus and the Luas that they're just a distant speck in the rearview mirror of your sweet ride.
Do you converse with your driver? Good God, no. He's really only there until they create a suitably fancy self-driving car.
Approx. cost: €120,540 per year
And never allow them to take their gloves off in your presence
Buy full shops in Marks & Spencer
Of course that chauffeur won't be carting you to just any old store.
You now exclusively shop at M&S, aka Marks & Sparks — so good they abbreviated it twice.
Approx. cost: ?
Travel by helicopter to work
That's right, you may be a millionaire but you're still working away!
Although it's mostly a passionate project of yours. And you mainly do it so you can show off the helicopter.
Approx. cost: €1,500 an hour
ALWAYS get guac
Yes, you're aware that costs extra.
No, you don't give a flying fudge.
Approx. cost: That avocado-y goodness is priceless
Rent a president suite for YOUR ENTIRE LIFE
Here we have the mother of all blow-outs.
At The Shelbourne you'll find the uber-opulant Princess Grace Suite for a whopping €7.5k per night, which includes Waterford crystal chandeliers, marble chimney pieces and even butler service.
So if you won a lotto jackpot of around €219m you could occupy these rooms for 80 years.
Approx. cost: €219m (but so, so worth it)
And you may never again change out of your bathrobePlease bet responsibly. 18+
