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4th March 2025
09:21am GMT
Pancake Tuesday is an excuse to eat pancakes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Online as well as IRL this is a day all about toppings. How you rack, stack and attack your pancakes is all up to you.
Some toppings elevate pancakes into a transcendence; others are a disgrace to the concept of joy.
So, in the spirit of the best holiday Jesus ever gave us and gluttony in all its glory, here’s the definitive ranking of every pancake topping I can think of right now. From outright crimes against breakfast to divine intervention-level brilliance.
Offensive, disrespectful, criminal. These toppings should be banned. If you like these, I assume you also enjoy misery.
If you’re eating pancakes for the macros, you’ve fundamentally misunderstood Pancake Tuesday. Have a protein shake and leave us in peace.
You had an unlimited world of options, and you chose breakfast cereal? Breakfast that you probably eat every damn day? Do better.
Messy. Mediocre. Forgettable. The filler of pancake toppings.
These are questionable life choices. Most likely to happen when you’re raiding the kitchen and grasping at straws.
An insult. A ghost of an idea. Just say you’ve given up.
A children’s birthday party in topping form. If you’re over the age of eight, sort yourself out.
Sounds fun, turns into a gloopy, over-sweet mess. Structurally unsound.
This is an act of violence.
Not bad, not life-changing. Decent, respectable choices, but let’s not pretend they’re setting the world on fire.
A solid effort, but if biscuits on pancakes are your idea of indulgence, you need to dream bigger.
We get it you are obsessed with cinnamon rolls but you don’t need to make everything cinnamon. It doesn’t always work.
A nostalgia-fuelled pick that can’t quite compete with maple syrup.
Melts too fast. Exciting in theory, but impractical in execution.
I know I derided jam earlier in this list, but when you team it with peanut butter it does get better. The yanks are onto somethings mid if you can handle the inevitable sticky hands, it’s worth it.
Solid choices, no notes. Strong contenders. No shame in any of these.
Moody, brooding, and vaguely sophisticated. Like if your pancake were a broadsheet journalist in a turtleneck.
For the people who think adding yoghurt makes pancakes healthy. It doesn’t, but it does taste excellent.
Like caramel, but posher and slightly Brazilian. A thick, sticky, slow-dripped miracle. You’ll need a lie-down afterwards.
A rom-com in topping form. Classic, light, and a guaranteed crowd-pleaser.
The peak of pancake glory. These are the toppings that belong in a museum. The ones that elevate pancakes to an event.
The topping du jour yes, but for a damn good reason. Luxurious, slightly savoury, undeniably sexy. If you want your Pancake Tuesday to scream "I read niche food blogs and have opinions on olive oil," this is the one.
The pathologically online person’s pancake topping. This is for those who stare wistfully out of café windows, who own multiple types of sea salt. It’s the kind of topping combo that makes you pause mid-bite and whisper oh, that’s good before tiktoking the revelation.
The cult favourite. Caramelised, spiced, and almost illegally good.
Today it is Satan. Is brunch at a chic café in Montmartre? Probably not. But you sure have made it feel like it. People may fight up
The undisputed king. A zesty slap in the face from citrus, the crisp crunch of sugar granules—it’s the perfect pancake topping. If you don’t rate lemon and sugar, you either have no palate or you’re a coward.
Pancake Tuesday is the best day of the year. Don't waste it on sub par toppings.
