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20th December 2016
12:10am GMT
We totally get that some people enjoy dogging – the act of, er, doing the act while being watched by other people – but other people enjoy it a lot less, and can sometimes find themselves engaging in it without meaning to.
It's like this: you hop into your car with someone you want to make out with (so retro! so exciting!) and head to the location of your choice to shift voraciously without interruption.
But then something happens – a rogue window open, or a knee against a headlamp, and you're accidentally signalling to the world that you want an audience. Here's how not to attract the wrong – or any – crowd.
What you're essentially asking is: are there any doggers nearby? And you probably don't wanna know the answer...
Maybe you have your interior light on so you can see what's what, or because you're taking a quick break to read a chapter of your book – but be warned, to other doggers, that means "we want to be watched."
...because if it's down, what you're saying is: touching and fondling? Fine. Come on over! Touch away.
Because a halfway-open window means you're offering oral sex.
An open door = full sex. No half-measures here.
It's better for the environment – no pesky carbon emissions – and, unless your flatmates are incredibly rude, you're pretty much guaranteed not to be interrupted.
