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20th December 2016
12:10am GMT
Now this is what we call an epic poem.
Composed by Brigid O'Dea – who tells us that there's more similar work to be found on her Instagram account – it details the all-too-familiar struggle faced by Tinder daters as they strive to pick the perfect venue to sweep the object of their affection off their feet.
Thanks for this one, Brigid – and keep 'em coming!
Sean Óg was a Tinder man,
He averaged two dates a week.
And if you too have a tindering tendency,
You will know this does not come cheap.
On his first date with Rebecca, he took her to Toltecca
And requested extra refried beans.
As guac dribbled down his chin, he knew he’d never win
Her heart by any means.
Next it was Clare who he took to Bear
And announced it would be his treat.
But Clare dolled up and dressed was far from impressed
As she said ‘I told you I don’t eat meat!’
Then came a girl called Rory, who he took to Yamamori;
Sushi was a guaranteed ten out of ten.
But there was little attraction when she had an allergic reaction
And couldn’t find her epi-pen.
Soon it was Alicia, the girl he took to Paulie’s Pizza
Where he even pulled out her seat.
But she knew she would spoil it if she spent the night on the toilet
So the lady refused to eat wheat.
Poor Sean Óg had given up.
He resigned to being forever alone.
But just as he was deleting his Tinder app,
He spied something special on his phone.
It was a girl called Margueretta who worked in Pizza e Porchetta,
And she claimed there was nothing she would not eat.
Seán took a deep inhale and sent lovely Margueretta a mail
And the pair decided to meet.
So in Il Valentino, served by the dark and dapper Dino,
Greta offered Seán try her dish,
And as their mouths met on her spaghetti, his heart burst into confetti
She was more perfect than he could ever wish.
