Share
8th March 2019
04:04pm GMT
Ah, Dublin.
As the country's economic centre, there's a constant influx of newcomers to our city to study and work from around the country, a slew of newbies who are still getting used to the place.
Before you acclimatise to Dublin, you tend to get quite a few shocks to the system as you get to grips with our country's labyrinthine capital.
Let's have a look at the 14 things you discover when you move to Dublin from elsewhere in Ireland.
When half your hometown have moved to Australia, you're really left with the dregs of your local Tinder community. But as soon as you hit the big city, suddenly things start to look up.
It's simple maths really, more people equals more hot people.
It's science, folks
Now you've moved to the Big S(h)moke you've unwittingly placed a target on your back. Whenever your friends from home need a place to stay in Dublin, you get to be the lucky host.
Also, you start saying 'gaff.'
"Feel free to sleep on my couch and make my flatmates feel awkward in their own home."
Dublin newbies fear assimilation (heaven forbid they should become identified as Dubliners), so they stick to a specific set of pubs and very, very rarely stray from them.
Ryan's, Flannery's, Copper's: these are their little reservations of home.
Flannery's is the pub equivalent of a safety blanket
This is when someone moves to Dublin and systematically distances themselves from their former life back in 'the sticks.'
For they live in Dublin now, and are therefore more sophisticated, and an all-round better class of person.
Patient drivers, speedy lanes of traffic, straight-forward road systems: just a few things you won't find in the capital.
Also, worrying about parking is suddenly a thing.
Pictured: Someone who's never driven in Dublin
You'll find cycling is useful for shortening the journey time to work and your life expectancy. Two birds, and all that.
And speaking of birds...
You discover that the city is actually under siege from this big, evil-lookin', food-snatchin', winged menace.
Even more intimidating than youths
A weekly Leap Card fare is how much?!
Someone call the zoo, because these guys are having a giraffe.
The bane of the Dublin newbie's existence, one we do not envy. Dublin's got some real shitholes just waiting to be viewed.
"I'll take it!"
If you just ask for tea in a café there's an awkward pause where they wait for you to elaborate. I mean, what kind of a philistine goes to a café and orders tea?
"Kindly get the fuck off our premises."
You weren't even aware this was a thing people in Ireland cared about, but they do. This isn't done any place else in the country, unless that place is very close to Dublin. Nowhere else does it. Whereas here there are whole websites dedicated to it.
Even though you explicitly told the driver you like your money in money form. Of course, you can cash in your receipts any time you want, but in your heart of hearts you know that you'll never ever be arsed to do that...
Which is, of course, exactly what they want.
Oh I know your game, Dublin Bus
You can't walk down the street without getting asked for directions by someone wearing a bumbag.
#SWAG
Hell exists, and it's localised on a motorway around 6pm on a Friday.
Where is your God now?
You'll encounter a lot of Dubliners who see Ireland as divided into two parts (and not the two parts you'd think): there's Dublin, and there's the country.
To them, there are no other urban areas to speak of in Ireland – just vast expanses of rich agricultural land, populated by farmers and other rural types (such as more farmers).
A mentality that's not unlike this one
And this guy really isn't doing the non-city slicker cause any favours.
Dublin is deliciously odd sometimes pic.twitter.com/FnLZGhxJ
— Paul Trainer (@PaulTrainerPT) January 26, 2013
Did we miss anything? Let us know in the comments.
READ NEXT: 17 Dublin Slang Phrases Explained In Perfect English
