9 Things You’re Going To Hear In The Pub During Today’s Match

There's nothing like a big national event to bring the country together, get everyone out and shouting for a shared cause – and they don't get much bigger than Ireland vs England.

However, as the crowd size increases, so too does the likelihood of hearing clichés, platitudes and morsels of sheer idiocy from those around you. Here are a few we'll be listening out for today...

1. "Ah no! No… wait… yes! No! Yes! I think? What's going on?"

Fair enough, it's not the '90s any more and the general public have a far better grasp of rugby than they did back in the dark days when we used to lose to Scotland on the regular.

But even now, despite a finer appreciation for the general laws of the game, the intricacies of rucks, mauls, scrums and referee signals are lost on the vast majority of fans – and this makes for several confused shouts during the more emotionally charged moments of the game.

2. "Didn't I tell ye? DIDN'T I TELL YE?"

This can be applied to any outcome, not just of the game itself, but any lineout, scrum, kick, etc.

A popular phrase used by armchair pundits to announce to everyone that their mumbled prediction – which had a 50% chance of being correct anyway – has indeed come to pass.

3. “Can you imagine a soccer player taking a hit like that?"

Ah, the perennial obsession with one sport being tougher/mightier/more skilful/more worthy than another. Particularly prevalent amongst rugby fans, GAA fans and indeed soccer fans who love to reminisce on the days where leg-breaking was considered a great auld laugh.

4. “Is he the fella who threw the dwarf?"

To be heard any time an England player comes on screen – because you just can't pass up on an opportunity to refer to the England squad's darkest-ever moment.

4. "Excuse me. Sorry. Sorry, just getting past you there… sorry… excuse me."

Because the 79^th minute, as Ireland are four points behind and parked on the English try line, was definitely – DEFINITELY – the right moment to pop to the bathroom.

5. "SSSSHHHHHHH!"

When a player is lining up to take a conversion, despite the fact you're in a bar several miles from the Aviva.

6. "He can't hear you, ye muppet."

When anyone utters No 4.

7. "Well at least they let the President walk on the red carpet this time."

Because we're totally over Martin Johnson forcing President Mary McAleese on to the grass in 2003.

Totally.

8. "Right. Pint?"

Depending on the tone, this can be "Right. Pint!" for an Irish score/victory or "Right… pint." for an English score/victory. It's all in the delivery.

Not so annoying, admittedly, but grimly inevitable all the same.

9. "What colour is that jersey? Eh? Amirite?"

Because to some people, #TheDress is still a thing. If you encounter someone like this, walk away instantly. It's just not worth it.