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13th May 2018
07:22pm BST
We talked before about the surefire signs that you were suffering from the dreaded fear after a weekend partying, so rather than just wallowing in it this week we decided to share some quick fire ways to lose the fear.
These are life hacks that will put your recovery on steroids (not literally) and get you back to feeling normal in record time.
We know this isn't going to be easy but bear with us, do at least three of them and we promise this horrible evening of feeling like death will zip right on by...
Message the people and turn it into a laugh auld right now, rather than letting it spill into Monday. You'll be glad you did tomorrow.
It's the only time you'll feel marginally better and it will give you 20 minutes extra in bed tomorrow morning which, let's be real here, you're gonna need.
Lay them out, iron them and do everything else right now. Again, when dreaded Monday morning rolls around you'll be punching the air with glee for showing such foresight.
That way you can ease yourself into the day, while your boss and co-workers think you are being super productive after an all weekend health buzz. Suckers.
After the serious lack of nutrients all weekend, they'll get to work during the night and give you the natural kick start you need in the morning...
At least we think that's how juice works
Sounds like the last thing you'd want to be doing, but it will make you tired and helps you get to sleep faster. You'll feel like shite doing it, of course, but it'll serve you well in the long run.
You probably noticed that your body is sweating out all sorts of toxic shit. A sauna will speed that process up and although you'll nearly pass out, it will get those pesky toxins out of your body way faster.
You could go with the standard painkillers or find some of the anti-flu versions that promise to get you to sleep quicker. The simple fact is your body is in pain, so a couple of painkillers will help to knock you out, but be sure to follow the instructions on the box and all that jazz.
Revolutionary advice, we know, but it's the quickest way to recover.
Snuggles will also suffice. No scientific proof here, but find a human or an animal that is willing to take part and everything will be all right.
Your bank account might not be in the best situation after the weekend, but you can still buy a couple of items which will arrive midweek, giving you something to look forward to in work tomorrow.
You probably noticed that your breathing is all over the place, as you move from sighing to short breaths. Get the blood flowing with 10 minutes of yoga, or if you want something more relaxed, mediate using a video on Youtube just before bed.
When we drink we don't just lose water, but electrolytes too. You'll want to replace them with potassium rich foods. This part is basic science, so get it done.
"There is no research that shows that sex will make a hangover go away, but maybe it will make the time go faster," says Joris C. Verster, Ph.D., assistant professor at Utrecht University in the Netherlands. "If it makes you happy, go for it."
Good call, poindexter
Make sure you get all the ingredients ready for this Monday morning boost, that'll get your body back to some semblance of normality.
Technically this is the hair of the dog and the last thing you should be doing, but it'll relax you and make you all sleepy. Just don't have more than one.
Maybe watch Come Dine With Me too.
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