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25th June 2018
03:43pm BST
We Irish are a nomadic breed.
Thousands of our people have spread their wings and are now living abroad, and all those folks share some very specific experiences..
Feast your peepers on the 17 things you'll recognise when you're an Irish person living abroad.
Spud jokes become part of your daily life, you must accept this and move on.
You come to realise how many of your words are uniquely Irish, so you're greeted by heads tilted in confusion whenever you ask which press the sliced pan is in.
You find that the banter levels of other nations just don't meet the Irish standard. Sarcasm simply sails over their heads. You're expected to use sincerity muscles you never even knew you had.
You swore you wouldn't be that kind of person, but despite your very best efforts to resist you find yourself drawn towards Irish pubs. You've now become a cliché.
You find yourself actively seeking out other Irish people. In fact, your friend standards become so low that your only requirement is that they be Irish.
You discover your poor Irish body is not physically suited to any climate other than cloudy, wet, and cold.
If one more person calls you English, you're gonna lose your shit.
Your life becomes a Barry's Tea ad from the ‘90s.
Prospective conquests will often demand that you speak to them in 'Gaelic', so rather than embarrassing yourself by admitting you failed pass Irish, you go ahead and make something up.
People compliment you on your command of the English language, it's amazing how you speak it so well, and their stupidity really takes your breath away.
READ: 27 Reasons You Should Move To Live In Ireland Right Now
No one in this foreign land seems to be able to pronounce your monstrosity of a name, at least three attempts are needed before anyone gets it. It also makes placing an order at Starbucks a complete nightmare.
You have to speak as slowly and as clearly as physically possible because no one can understand your thick accent (and here you thought you never had an accent).
You practice your 'thirty-three and a third' on a bidaily basis, in conjunction with your various other vocal warm-up techniques.
And you're gutted when it turns out you actually do know the person they're talking about.
You laugh, but inside you die a little.
Man oh man, the whole 'Irish people are drunks' shtick never seems to get old, does it?
However, due to peer pressure on an international scale, you feel an obligation to live up to expectations.
READ NEXT: 15 Words That Sound Strangely Funny When Pronounced In An Irish Accent
