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7th January 2017
03:25pm GMT
January is named after Janus, the god of beginnings and transitions. So yes, the Latin equivalent of #NewYearNewMe.
You might think of it as the month when you're at your brokest, fattest and most hungover you'll be all year – but we have to say that January definitely has its perks too.
And thus, days off work.
So you can 100% go straight to bed after work and not have to make duty calls to dreadful parties.
Whatever your poison, it's back.
There have been a plethora of new releases. Thank God.
While you're doing all this sitting/lying/not moving for the month, allow yourself to indulge in the nights out of the beautiful people – and rate their 'i'm not fucking upset I lost' face as part of a fun game.
Those bags under your eyes getting you down? Does the thought of more booze make you weep like a little girl?
Well, how about doing your body a favour and opting out of the party lifestyle for a while. Drink more water and treat that body like a temple. Not asking for you to go all #kale on us, but maybe do some lunges while you're heading towards the fridge.
Yes, we're all broke. But, buying things at a discount is basically making money!
While yes it is 'the most wonderful time of the year', it can swiftly descend into an armageddon of chaos, stress and heartburn.
No more Secret Santa for that colleague you just don't know, no more pretending you love your mum's trifle and definitely no more shite talk from your uncle Jim who's "gotten the boat in from Aran especially".
In comparison, at least.
Also while talking about comparison–- ordering a €15 pizza is basically tuppence in comparison to the stupid amount you spend on presents, you big generous dote.
Buy the pizza.
By either knowing you, along with the rest of the country, are in solidarity on a booze-free month...
Or, by helping out the economy and giving a nod to our stereotype by drinking in empty pubs when no-one is.
Win-win.
A day just for you to be embraced by another - for all your hard work and commitment to being great.
What a time to be alive!
2016 may have been shite, and to be fair 2017 could be even worse – but really January is a completely secret opportunity for you to absolutely kill it and Carpe the fuck out of that Diem.
And if all that doesn't appeal to you whatsoever, just remember that it's the furthest possible point in the year from Christmas, and relax.
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