12 Of The Realest Things Colm Tobin Has Ever Said

For those of you who aren't so sure who exactly Colm Tobin is, (shame on you) he is an Irish Times columnist, a published author, a television writer and producer, a musician and composer and general gas ticket. 

Not to mention absolute Twitter legend, for those of you au fait with that sort of thing. 

He's covered pretty much every topic, from new Angelus ideas to the World Cup with a sense of wit that would make even the most hungover of you weep with laughter. But the best part of all is that he keeps it real.

Here are 12 of the best times he absolutely hit the nail on the head.

1. When he pointed out that parenting isn't exactly a picnic

Uncanny how closely a typical day in the WW1 trenches compares to an average day in the 1st year of parenthood. pic.twitter.com/Dr44bls8NX

— Colm Tobin (@colmtobin) December 15, 2015

2. When he didn't faff around the fact that Sunday nights are in fact the worst 

Twas the night before Monday,
And all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
Because, ugh, Monday... Jesus... Monday...

— Colm Tobin (@colmtobin) November 29, 2015

3. And that Monday mornings are equally as shite

I do love Monday mornings. A fresh start. The enticement of new possibilities. The banishing of past... Oh, fuck it, just kill me now.

— Colm Tobin (@colmtobin) October 12, 2015

4. His take on Irish people at the beach 

5. His sassy reference to the wealth divide

Catching up on Downton. How did people stick it then? 1% of the population controlling all the wealth and capital? Horrendous.

— Colm Tobin (@colmtobin) October 13, 2015

6. When he showed us that fighting the good fight can be dirty 

I know, it really is annoying that people are bickering on Twitter already. But our democracy is annoying & hard work & worth fighting for.

— Colm Tobin (@colmtobin) November 14, 2015

7. When he called out the eejits for all to judge

A man just passed me in shorts. Shorts. In November. In Ireland. Outside. In November. Shorts. In Ireland. A man.
IN SHORTS!

— Colm Tobin (@colmtobin) November 1, 2015

8. When he noticed how absurd most phrases are

Imagine if you actually had an audience "eating out of your hands"? Imagine how disgusting that experience would be?

— Colm Tobin (@colmtobin) December 3, 2015

Imagine actually painting a town red?

— Colm Tobin (@colmtobin) November 7, 2015

9. That time he was a man of simple pleasures

My ideal holiday? Probably reduced to the size of a pea, rolling around naked in the salty part at the bottom of a bag of crisps.

— Colm Tobin (@colmtobin) December 1, 2015

10. When he pinpointed what mankind's biggest threat is

Humankind should put all its past disagreements, wars and other petty rivalries to bed and come together as one against The Bluebottle.

— Colm Tobin (@colmtobin) October 7, 2015

11. When he had his say on American politics

Part of me wants Trump to become President just to annoy Twitter but, having said that, The End Of The World won't be much fun for anyone.

— Colm Tobin (@colmtobin) August 4, 2015

12. And finally, that time he was all of us all the time

One of my favourite ways to waste money is to go clothes shopping for a thinner, idealised version of myself.

— Colm Tobin (@colmtobin) February 19, 2014

It's like he's inside our minds. 

If you love this, you'll love Colm's hilarious take on being Irish, in his book Surviving Ireland, on sale now right here.

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